You’re Welcome – When Puppies and Parenting Collide

A parody that might just have heads (and tails) wagging in agreement… I give you Moana Vs Millie:

Pre kids, Steve and I thought it would be best for all concerned if we practiced keeping another living entity alive before trying our hand at child rearing (although the withered and crispy coriander on our window ledge suggested we might have missed a crucial step along the way…)

My parents had always been ‘cat people’, which resulted in me growing up desperate for a dog for most of my adolescent life. Fortunately Steve was NOT a cat person, and after a carefully constructed Powerpoint presentation on why we should get a Beagle (I casually left out all their bad points and mainly focussed on how cute they remained in later life) – Millie arrived in our lives in December 2011.

From the minute she bounded through the front door and ate three wicker dining chairs, along with an iPad – we knew she was going be trouble… The irony was that when we picked Millie Van Lilley – she was the quiet one in the litter and Steve even said to me, “I hope we haven’t got the boring one…”. Eight small words that cursed us for life (or for the next 15 years at the very least.)

It’s not that she’s a bad dog, per say… I like to think of her as more of a free spirit – a free spirit with flatulence issues who stinks of fish and sweaty biscuits. There is a small part of me that respects her complete disregard for the rules of her owners, society and the wider dog community – but there’s a bigger part of me that completely loses my shit every time she rolls in, well, shit. Don’t even get me started on the nappy eating, knicker-licking, food stealing, post mauling, and barking at walls…

Now looking back on it, I can wholeheartedly say getting a dog in preparation for parenthood is a complete waste of time. For one, puppies and babies are not similar in any way shape or form – unless an eight week old baby has the ability to slope off and chew its way through three sets of Christmas tree lights the minute your back is turned? I actually think a puppy is more hard work than a baby, so maybe it helps in a round about way… When your baby comes along, you probably think life’s a doddle…”Look, she’s so perfect! And she isn’t eating her own shit. Bonus.”

BUT for all of her sins, of which there are many, she is very good with the kids. She gets ridden like a horse, coated in glitter, her tail yanked, and now gets relegated to the garden at every meal time (for her own good – there’s only so many pots of Petit Filous a dog should eat in one day).

So to fellow dog and child owners, this one’s for you – and for anyone considering taking on all of the aforementioned, maybe watch the video first and then make up your mind (especially if you’re considering a beagle!!)…



3 thoughts on “You’re Welcome – When Puppies and Parenting Collide

  1. Zoe Lurk in Wilkinson says:

    I’m Zoe..42..I have four boys..Brandon 17 (moody and spotty) Ryan 16 ( moody and secretive) Good job us Mam’s (I’m from Hull we don’t say Mum we say Mam) know everything. Haydon 12 (apsolute devil, evil, horrible, naughty, worst child ever, if I’d of had him 1st I would never EVER of had any more ha ha)..last but not least Ethan 8..the apsolutr Angel he has never EVER been in trouble..he has never been put by the teachers desk..I sometimes hope that one day he comes home from school and the naughty teacher rings me to say he has done something bad..but NO!
    I also have 2 evil yappy spoilt Chihuahuas and a fat black Pug called Betty who actually is disabled and I push her in a Pink doggy pram..(I love the attention we get) My John (partner) doesn’t walk near me if I’m pushing her! Ohh yes I’ve also got 9 Tarantulas.
    So I’m Zoe..42..and 4 years ago I got Breast Cancer..I asked for a double Mastectomy even though the Cancer was only in my left surgeon agreed and actually made me 2 new breasts out of my tummy fat(Good job I had ate all the pies) after many ops..4 years later I have the best breasts EVER..there actually amazing..all that I need doing now is my nipple tattoos then I can go lay naked in Hull (City of Culture 2017) under the Number Bridge drinking a can of Carling ha ha.
    No seriously Thank You from the bottom of my heart for what you make me piss my pants sometimes, you are amazing. You are such a fantastic Mother/Wife but you show that everything isn’t all smiles and flowers..and that sometimes it can be tears and shit.
    I haven’t seen any Trolls on your feedback..all of what I’ve seen is good comments..but if you do get any dickheads that spoil it (send them to me so I can knock them out) erm ignore them lass cos you honestly are fantastic.
    Keep up the great work..I would Love to meet you to drink tea out of a propper China cup and saucer but I think necking wine from the bottle is more my style.
    Take Care..Thanks for listening,
    Lots of Love,
    Zoe x?

    • Sophie McCartney says:

      Hi Zoe, first off – so sorry for the mega slow reply. I think my messages are playing up a bit – I don’t know why I’ve only just seen this?! Second, wow, you have a LOT going on with all those boys and animals don’t you?! Makes my house seem quite sedate! You’ve had a lot to cope with and it sounds like you’re absolulety nailing it all – so happy you gave the big C two fingers up too (and now have a cracking pair of new boobs). Thank you so much for your lovely comments, always feel bowled over when someone takes the time to say something nice! Always good to know I’ve got someone in my corner when then trolls come out from under their bridges!xxx

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