A parody that might just have heads (and tails) wagging in agreement… I give you Moana Vs Millie:
Pre kids, Steve and I thought it would be best for all concerned if we practiced keeping another living entity alive before trying our hand at child rearing (although the withered and crispy coriander on our window ledge suggested we might have missed a crucial step along the way…)
My parents had always been ‘cat people’, which resulted in me growing up desperate for a dog for most of my adolescent life. Fortunately Steve was NOT a cat person, and after a carefully constructed Powerpoint presentation on why we should get a Beagle (I casually left out all their bad points and mainly focussed on how cute they remained in later life) – Millie arrived in our lives in December 2011.
From the minute she bounded through the front door and ate three wicker dining chairs, along with an iPad – we knew she was going be trouble… The irony was that when we picked Millie Van Lilley – she was the quiet one in the litter and Steve even said to me, “I hope we haven’t got the boring one…”. Eight small words that cursed us for life (or for the next 15 years at the very least.)
It’s not that she’s a bad dog, per say… I like to think of her as more of a free spirit – a free spirit with flatulence issues who stinks of fish and sweaty biscuits. There is a small part of me that respects her complete disregard for the rules of her owners, society and the wider dog community – but there’s a bigger part of me that completely loses my shit every time she rolls in, well, shit. Don’t even get me started on the nappy eating, knicker-licking, food stealing, post mauling, and barking at walls…
Now looking back on it, I can wholeheartedly say getting a dog in preparation for parenthood is a complete waste of time. For one, puppies and babies are not similar in any way shape or form – unless an eight week old baby has the ability to slope off and chew its way through three sets of Christmas tree lights the minute your back is turned? I actually think a puppy is more hard work than a baby, so maybe it helps in a round about way… When your baby comes along, you probably think life’s a doddle…”Look, she’s so perfect! And she isn’t eating her own shit. Bonus.”
BUT for all of her sins, of which there are many, she is very good with the kids. She gets ridden like a horse, coated in glitter, her tail yanked, and now gets relegated to the garden at every meal time (for her own good – there’s only so many pots of Petit Filous a dog should eat in one day).
So to fellow dog and child owners, this one’s for you – and for anyone considering taking on all of the aforementioned, maybe watch the video first and then make up your mind (especially if you’re considering a beagle!!)…