1) Hat. A necessity for any knackered, greasy-haired mum on a cold morning. Faux fur bobble is a MUST. Say bye-bye to the Batiste and hello to the hiding of shit hair in this winter playground essential. Has to be replaced by actual washing of hair come summer time.
2) Padded coat, fur hood. If your coat hasn’t got a furry hood, are you even really a school-run mum? Perfect for the transferal of head lice, this half-woman / half-lion look is perfect for rainy days, and getting yourself run over – due to a dramatically reduced peripheral vision. Big pockets are essential for easy storage of Teddy Faces, Bear Yoyos, and other forms of bribery. Can be worn with, or without, big patches of mud on the front and back – from picking up children who can’t be arsed to walk.
3) Leggings. A must-have staple in any school run-mum’s wardrobe. These elasticated, high waisted Lycra-lovelies are comfortable, practical and unlike their evil cousin, the skinny jean, don’t cause IBS. They may have banned pajamas in the playground but naff all has been said about leggings. Wear at bedtime, then get up and rock a look that sticks two fingers up to the establishment. Rebel.
4) Ugg Boots. These glorified slippers keep toes toasty, while the thick tread makes it near impossible to completely remove all traces of dog shit. Swap to Converse in the summer months for an, ‘I’m still down with the kids’ hipster vibe.
5) Scooter. This three wheeled, contraption of death is to be worn casually draped over the shoulder, and can be accessorized with a child who is refusing to use it. Micro Scooters are the brand de jour – with some saying they’re the Mulberry of foot-powered vehicles. So hot right now.
6) Dog. OPTIONAL. Nothing says ‘multi-tasking the shit out of life’ better than a small yappy dog breed of your choice. The dog is best worn attached to a pram and dragging the wearer down the road. For a more causal look, try tying to school gates in order to terrify small children as they leave the premises. The dog is a brave, and acquired choice – not for the fashion feint hearted – or Ugg Boot wearer.
Share, and tag a fellow furry-hooded playground pal!